So, cool story… I was talking to a friend of mine that I’ve known since college. In an unfortunate moment, he made a general reference to bad movies like “that Sharknado movie”. Now, I have seen it, but i knew there were a few of them. I also know that they are generally the worst thing in the world and I have not really felt compelled to watch those atrocious piles of aquatic fecal matter.
However, for some reason I feel “called out”. These were a cultural phenomenon for a few years, and I had no idea what the draw was. So, therefore now I have to watch the Sharknado movie. But wait!!!! Which one? Because somehow, they made 6 of these! The first started with what sharks flying around in a tornado, and Tara Reid as a draw. The sixth apparently features all of that, but with time travel and many Tara Reid’s? Good god, I’m pretty sure they didn’t include the Sharknado movies in the Book of Revelations because they figured nobody would believe it. “Sure, lets do the Rapture and all that crap about evil demons taking over the planet, but I think the 6 movies about shark filled tornadoes might be a step too far”.
So, without further a-freakin-do, lets start on these crappy movies. They are about 90 minutes apiece, so I am going to watch them one-by-one, but only with about 50% of my focus. Once each are done, I’ll post a little recap and then do a more complete recap on the franchise at the end. Fair deal? If not, I don’t care… I’m going to be subjecting myself to this shit-show, so I get to make the rules.
SHARKNADO: The Original
What the F**k did I just watch? That might be the most ridiculous movie I’ve ever seen, and I freaking new the concept going in. I can’t believe they made 6 of these things.
Ok, so I’ll be perfectly honest with you… This movie is horrible. There is no criticism I can give here that is fair. But, I think it is horrible in a really unique way; like, if you took a multiple choice test with 100 questions and happened to get a 0%. Probability dictates that there is no way to do that without knowing what you are doing, at least somewhat. Honestly, I kinda understand how this first movie spawned a cultural phenomenon a few years ago. So let’s run through this.
Acting… There is nothing to talk about. The main character, a guy nicknamed “Fin” (get it, like a shark?) is a world-renowned surfer who owns a bar, but his barmaid doesn’t realize he has an ex-wife and 2 kids. At the end of the movie, the barmaid actually ends up “with” one of those kids. Yeah, I dont want to think about the logic here. Really, the only thespian (using this term lightly) of note is Tara Reid, in that she is literally the only one i know on-sight. She, as always, is horrible. Again, the only way you cast Tara Reid in a movie is if you are trying to get the wrong answer. This cast is so bad, it has its own awful charm. Main characters die, and its funny because you know you should not want to see these established characters die but you also don’t care because they are so bad.
The plot is nonsense. A hurricane in Mexico spawns water spouts in LA, causes flooding over most of the city, and oh yeah, there are sharks in both the spouts and the flooding. There are times when sharks spill out of storm drains, when sharks basically are just flying and aiming themselves at people specifically, once when I’m pretty sure the shark had to get up and walk into a bar. None of it makes sense. The 3rd act is a couple of people flying around in a helicopter trying to bomb shark-filled tornadoes.
This is supposed to be my Sharknado Weekend, so I’m sure the next 5 movies are going to be pretty similar retreads of this and I don’t want to kill all the content out of the gate. To summarize; this movie is horrible, but i kinda get it. On to the next one.
SHARKNADO 2: THE SECOND ONE
Ok, so I’ll be real… In the first 10 minutes I was dying of laughter. In that time, our hero “Fin” saved an airplane from crashing while flying throwing a flock of sharks in the clouds. Also in that time, the side of the plane was ripped off, people were sucked out of the side, and Tara Reid shot a shark in the eye right before that same shark bit her arm off. It stretches the definition of ludicrous, and it was pretty great.
But, as time went on, I think i became acclimated. Once you see flaming sharks and a couple people slicing up sharks with a medieval sword, everything gets a bit… stale. If you don’t expect excellence, this movie is kind of enjoyable.
Here is what I think happened… The Asylum is the production company famous for dumping out these cheap films with pretty crappy effects. Basically, all of those “SyFy Originals”with crazy monsters that seem to come out every couple of weeks… Thats the Asylum. Also, all those cheap movies that you see come out that kind of look like real movies (“Atlantic Rim”, Abraham Lincoln Vs. Zombies”, “Triassic World”), but in reality are cheap pieces of crap, those are also the Asylum. I saw a piece on the news once that these guys have never lost money on film, largely because there is an audience out there and they cost almost nothing to make. Anyway, I think the Asylum made the first Sharknado as just a cheap “SyFy Original”, social media thought it was hysterical, and it took off. So, Syfy doubled their budget (so, still probably not a lot), and they went for round 2. The increased budget definitely shows… Its still pretty bad.
Anyway, I actually think the acting is better in this movie. Tara Reid, still not great because she seems to be trying harder. She really shouldn’t be; in this one she creates a prosthetic arm out of a rotary saw and saws up a shark in the final act. Tara – you ain’t winning awards for this one, so just have some fun at least. The rest of the cast seems to be in on the joke this time, and it shows. There are a few too many cameos for my taste, but that becomes a hallmark for this series from here on out from what I understand. So… Thats about it on this one. On to Number 3!
P.S. – There is an after credits scene to this one that is just the main character eating a slice of pizza. Not sure if it was intended, but it is reminiscent of Schawarma scene in the Avengers. Nice touch, Sharknado.
SHARKNADO 3: OH HELL NO!
Alright….. This movie is officially at the point in the franchise where the bit is getting a little tiresome. Yes, there are some funny things in here. The bit where Washington DC is destroyed with President Mark Cuban taking out a bunch of sharks is pretty great. I laughed at the part where sharks came OUT of the secure bunker. They actually go to space to use the space defense system, and somehow still have sharks in space. The end is ridiculous, and its pretty entertaining. Basically, I enjoyed the start of this movie and i enjoyed the end. The middle is where things got boring.
Apparently Tara Reid is pregnant in this one… which is fine, I guess. David Hasselhoff is an astronaut. Again, its a ludicrous movie, so I’m still here. The problem I really have is the middle stretch of this one. It gets to the point where it is REALLY boring, and that is where you basically just have sharks attacking our heroes. This franchise is great when it is going crazier and crazier, but if it has to retread what was done in previous installments, it starts to lose my interest. Gilbert Godfreid shows up in here too and just starts calling everything a “_____-NADO”, which is a funny bit the first few times. It goes for the entire movie.
Wow… These reviews are getting shorter. Not a lot of new opinions to mine here. These were originally released a year apart, so watching them back-to-back-to-back is probably detrimental to the experience. A sane person would stop here, but as the song goes, “on to the next, on on to the next one!”. SHARKNADO 4, HERE WE GO!
SHARKNADO 4: THE 4TH AWAKENS
So, my original plan was to space these suckers out, watch no more than 2 a day, and just sorta get through them. As I finish my fourth Sharknado movie on the day, I realize that I should’ve listened to my initial gut instinct. I am certainly losing steam.
I’ve been thinking through a lot of this one about what its “shtick” is in the franchise. The first one was the most basic, I guess; sharks in a tornado. The second was basically “the first one, just with more budget, based in New York, and throw in a few cameos”. The third did the same thing, except decided to up the scale and the scope, including a giant “Sharknado wall” over the US East Coast, and tagging in some space sharks. This one goes bigger yet again, and now the sharknados showing up all over the country. There are mech suits, supersonic jets, Tara Reid is now a superhero… I really am trying not to say the words “jumped the shark” here.
I feel like they are out of new ideas. Again, these were not made to marathon, so perhaps that is my issue. I am tired; I definitely still am enjoying these movies on some level, but I am about at that point where they are becoming a chore. Everyone involved seems to be having a lot of fun with this, though… Even Tara Reid has perfected her performance for this sort of thing. Its not great, but at least she realizes it and isn’t going for an Oscar-worthy performance at this point.
I do find it funny how they treat characters. Obviously, the main family isn’t dying in this. Basically everyone else will die though. They literally had every single person in the family (except for the 5 year old kid) get eaten by a shark in this one, and the 5 year old kid sawed open 3 sharks (all of which happened to be in a blue whale for some reason) to get every main character back in place for Round 5. I… think i need to take a break. Maybe a night off will allow me to reflect on my choices today, and hit the ground running tomorrow with the last 2. Now, I am posting this all at once so it won’t matter to the reader, but just realize that at this point in my binge I literally have to walk away. I will be back for Part 5 after a night’s sleep.
SHARKNADO 5: GlOBAL SWARMING
Sooooo…. The night of sleep did me well… while my opinion of these movies really hasn’t changed, I feel like I enjoyed this one a bit more than I should’ve. It is at this point that I am realizing that these movies are now just doing their own interpretation of various film tropes. The last one was pretty clearly skewering superhero movies with Tara Reid getting super powers. This one becomes a globetrotting adventure, akin to the Indiana Jones franchise.
Acting; still dismal. Action; laughable. Graphics; slightly improved from the first Sharknado but pretty well identical to the last 4, which is to stay still awful. Plot; nonsensical. Self-awareness; off-the-charts. The one thing you cannot say about these movies is that they have higher aspirations than they deserve. Marathoning these things is telling me that the creators are approaching this in a manner that just wants their audience to laugh at the ludicrous nature of this.
The cameos are something that I am now becoming a bit more aware of at this point. It never is crazy big name actors, but the fact that each cameo is a series of “oh THAT guy!” just cements this movie as what it is… nonsense, but a good time if you are in the right place for it.
That being said, with one more of these movies to go, I am really looking forward to watching a real movie. A small part of me is starting to think these actors are actually “good”, which is probably the most concerning part of this whole experience.
HOME STRETCH baby!!! SHARKNADO 6, HERE… WE… GO!!!!!!!
SHARKNADO 6: THE LAST SHARKNADO
Alright, thank god this franchise is done. This last movie was pretty difficult to get through, I have to say. Generally 90 minutes indicates a movie doesn’t have a lot of plot and therefore just gets on with it… Even though this one had 4 or 5 different times it took place within, I just couldn’t get on-board. I probably checked the clock 5 or 6 times, which doesn’t bode particular well for my opinion.
So lets just get into it. In what I think should now be known as “endgaming”, the franchise realizes that they went too far in their last movie and just decided to time-travel their way into a feasible plot. But, as Endgame had a huge cast of characters, good acting, and an actual budget, they were able to do this much better than “Sharknado”. Now, I realize that I am comparing “Avengers” to “Sharknado” here. Endgame is the highest grossing movie of all time, and it was fun… But my main hit on that movie was their inability to commit to the events of the previous film. Through time travel, that effectively invalidates everything that happens in previous films. The same thing happens with Sharknado; basically, they were able to undo the deaths of all the movies, and it really hurts the larger scale joke that was crucial to their shtick.
So, for Sharknado 6, I think I’ll just say… it was the weakest of the series. And yes, I completely realize that this series in general is stupid, the concept makes no sense, and the acting is atrocious. That is how all of the movies were; Sharknado 6 just didn’t seem to do it as well. Maybe it was the swan song nature of it all; they knew they were done so they were trying to go out on a thankful note, and it seems to have hurt the tongue-in-cheek, wink-at-the-camera nature of the last movies. And that is even considering the third act, where they revisit the completely out of place opening scene to Sharknado 1 to make that one of the final scenes in the franchise.
Last note on Sharknado 6 before going to final wrap-up… It seems like a cop-out to make a Tara Reid robot the main bad guy about half-way through the final movie. We all realize she is the only recognizable character here, but she is still a bad actor. Quantity does not increase quality, not even a little bit.
FINAL THOUGHTS
After 6 of these movies, I do have some respect for the people who made them. Yes, I know they got lucky on the first film. Yes, I think I might’ve gotten a bit dumber for watching these. And YES, the graphics, plot, concepts, and basically everything about this franchise is off-the-wall insane or just flat out terrible. I said this before… This is like a kid took a True-False test with 100 Questions and got a zero percent, and then did that multiple times. The people who made these movies HAD to have known what they were doing; there is just no other reason for these being as fun to watch as they are.
Amazon has these classified as “comedies”, which is interesting. I think comedy is a fair classification of the franchise, but it could just as easily be viewed as science fiction or action, given a bit more budget. If the creators of this movie didn’t lean into the comedy as much as they did, this whole concept doesn’t work; but if you ever watched a lot of the other original films on SyFy, they have pretty comparable graphics but are not nearly as fun to watch. I don’t think the makers of Sharknado are genius, but I’d definitely say they are the same brand of comedy as many youtube comedians putting out original content. Yes, they won’t appeal to a large audience, but the people who like them will watch them, and that’s all that matters.
So, to conclude out my thoughts on all the Sharknados, I would say that these movies are fun IF you know what they are going in. If you know that they are bad, accept that there is very little polish and almost no budget, and understand that they wrote, filmed, and turned these suckers out to cable every year for 6 straight years, you will enjoy them. I am sure just about any other filmmaker in Hollywood looks down on these franchises, but that is a reason to enjoy it, not to shy away.
So, who should watch this franchise… Well, I think this would be a great series to watch with a bunch of friends, and where the alcohol is flowing freely. I don’t recommend watching these back-to-back-to-back without alcohol, because that gets a bit tiresome, but if you got the beer, these movies are pretty great. Give them a shot; either you love them or hate them, but they are only 90 minutes. I recommend watching the first and doing 15 minutes of the second. That’s a 1 hour 45 minute investment; if you aren’t sold by then, turn it off and just movie on with your life.
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